This is Us

“Knock, knock” “Who’s there?” “Grandma” “Grandma who?”

This is a story about two deaths in one week; one of them expected, one of them not, none of them Covid related.

These two women were dear friends of my mother, one of them suffering for years with a collection of debilitating illnesses; the other one (at 83, the youngest in the group) a sassy former New Yorker and the sole care-taker for her husband who is fully engulfed in Alzheimers.

One of them was told the end was coming and sure enough, it came within days. My mom was able to tell her she loved her at the end of their final phone conversation. Her last words to my mother were “I love you too, but I gotta go.. the doctor is here.”

The end came without any warning for the other; their final phone conversation was about how important it was to use hand sanitizer. Her last words to my mother were what they have always been lately..”I don’t know… I just don’t know..’

As my husband and I stood next to the grave site yesterday, it struck me how excruciatingly hard it is to be elderly…at any time really, but especially now. Life and death have never been more lonely for them and we have never been more distracted with so many things that are personally important to us..and so many things that are not.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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20 comments on ““Knock, knock” “Who’s there?” “Grandma” “Grandma who?”

  1. Good post. Sorry about the losses in your life

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks LA. These ladies were my mom’s besties..one of then her next door neighbor..the impact on her life will be enormous..would be during normal times- twice as hard now..just sucks all around.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. yes, i cannot even imagine how it must be for them –

    Liked by 1 person

    • At a point in your life when you are becoming your weakest, you have to endure all these major emotional and physical challenges.. seems upside down.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m so sorry for your losses. The perspective you give at the end is super important and something I wish more people would understand. Thank you for sharing ❤

    Like

    • Thank you. We haven’t seen any of my mom’s friends in ages..so to see a few of them the other day after so long..it was as if they were saying “we’re still here..!!” They were trying to be compliant..and while they all had masks on..they got way too close to each other– but you could tell they were just wanting so desperately to console themselves. It’s such a tough time.

      Liked by 1 person

      • It really is a tough time. We’re just trying to stay hopeful that all this will be over soon and stay safe for ourselves and others in the meantime.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. I am so very sorry for your loss. Loneliness seems to be part and parcel of this pandemic. Please convey my deepest sympathies to your Mom as well.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I really feel sad for the elderly in all of this. Before COVID, my parents saw their best friends two or three times a week. They have only seen each other about three times since mid-march. My mom is very social and I can see where she’s really down.

    Liked by 1 person

    • My mom is kind of a fashion diva…so when I went over one afternoon a few months ago and she was still in her pjs, I got a bit concerned. You have to be on the look out for that kind fo change..It’s been so tough..when I go over to visit, I let my dog run free and my mom just loves to pet her and snuggle with her..it’s really become therapy for her. She hasn’t been able to physically hug anyone or even touch anyone..AND she lives alone. I think the elderly just feel a bit hopeless..like there might never be light at the end of the tunnel in time for them. 😩

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Definitely challenging times but I’m also incredibly grateful for all I have. The other week, I visited by Dad in aged care via the window 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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