“Knock, knock” “Who’s there?” “Grandma” “Grandma who?”

This is a story about two deaths in one week; one of them expected, one of them not, none of them Covid related.

These two women were dear friends of my mother, one of them suffering for years with a collection of debilitating illnesses; the other one (at 83, the youngest in the group) a sassy former New Yorker and the sole care-taker for her husband who is fully engulfed in Alzheimers.

One of them was told the end was coming and sure enough, it came within days. My mom was able to tell her she loved her at the end of their final phone conversation. Her last words to my mother were “I love you too, but I gotta go.. the doctor is here.”

The end came without any warning for the other; their final phone conversation was about how important it was to use hand sanitizer. Her last words to my mother were what they have always been lately..”I don’t know… I just don’t know..’

As my husband and I stood next to the grave site yesterday, it struck me how excruciatingly hard it is to be elderly…at any time really, but especially now. Life and death have never been more lonely for them and we have never been more distracted with so many things that are personally important to us..and so many things that are not.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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20 Comments Add yours

  1. LA says:

    Good post. Sorry about the losses in your life

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Cindy says:

      Thanks LA. These ladies were my mom’s besties..one of then her next door neighbor..the impact on her life will be enormous..would be during normal times- twice as hard now..just sucks all around.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. beth says:

    yes, i cannot even imagine how it must be for them –

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Cindy says:

      At a point in your life when you are becoming your weakest, you have to endure all these major emotional and physical challenges.. seems upside down.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Nourish says:

    I’m so sorry for your losses. The perspective you give at the end is super important and something I wish more people would understand. Thank you for sharing ❤

    Like

    1. Cindy says:

      Thank you. We haven’t seen any of my mom’s friends in ages..so to see a few of them the other day after so long..it was as if they were saying “we’re still here..!!” They were trying to be compliant..and while they all had masks on..they got way too close to each other– but you could tell they were just wanting so desperately to console themselves. It’s such a tough time.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Nourish says:

        It really is a tough time. We’re just trying to stay hopeful that all this will be over soon and stay safe for ourselves and others in the meantime.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. I am so very sorry for your loss. Loneliness seems to be part and parcel of this pandemic. Please convey my deepest sympathies to your Mom as well.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Cindy says:

      I will..you are so sweet.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Thanks, Cindy, I am sure there are people who would not agree with your assessment LOL but I appreciate it. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Cindy says:

        Somehow Carol..I doubt it. I’m sure there are plenty of folks who can attest to your kindness. (I have a sixth sense for that stuff..HAHA)

        Liked by 1 person

      3. LOL thanks so much

        Liked by 1 person

  5. kimwilbanks says:

    I really feel sad for the elderly in all of this. Before COVID, my parents saw their best friends two or three times a week. They have only seen each other about three times since mid-march. My mom is very social and I can see where she’s really down.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Cindy says:

      My mom is kind of a fashion diva…so when I went over one afternoon a few months ago and she was still in her pjs, I got a bit concerned. You have to be on the look out for that kind fo change..It’s been so tough..when I go over to visit, I let my dog run free and my mom just loves to pet her and snuggle with her..it’s really become therapy for her. She hasn’t been able to physically hug anyone or even touch anyone..AND she lives alone. I think the elderly just feel a bit hopeless..like there might never be light at the end of the tunnel in time for them. 😩

      Liked by 1 person

      1. So sad what the elderly are going through, it seems so cruel that at the end of life they should have to deal with this. You are a good daughter, Cindy. Your Mom is lucky to have you.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Cindy says:

        We literally moved back here the week my step dad passed away in 2019. God’s hand has been moving in our lives making sense of all the things that didn’t as we were going through them.. I am glad we live in the same town, it would have been very difficult if we had still been up in Charlotte.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. God does provide.

        Like

      4. Cindy says:

        Yes He does.

        Liked by 1 person

  6. Definitely challenging times but I’m also incredibly grateful for all I have. The other week, I visited by Dad in aged care via the window 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Cindy says:

      My mom is in rehab right now after a fall and I too am so glad she’s not on the 4th floor or window visits would be..well, out the window..

      Liked by 1 person

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