The Doors

Spectators were surging towards the center court exits as if a tornado was about to hit. Honestly, the rain was so light it was barely detectible..but this is tennis, not football so there you go. We had already sat through men’s doubles, a women’s singles match featuring Coco Gauff (the 15 year old American phenom) and it was 9pm, so frankly, rain or not, I  was ready to go. My husband and I merged into the stream of humanity and spilled out onto Atlantic Avenue.

Delray Beach was percolating with nightlife.

Bands were playing in open-air restaurants, palm trees were decked in lights, families were strolling along the avenue eating ice cream cones and oh yeah, I had to pee like a racehorse. We had to find a ladies room..STAT..and all of these bustling restaurants with lines of people waiting outside were clearly no-gos. Thankfully, and just in time, we stumbled upon a funky looking coffee shop (with a band playing inside of course) and I could see through the windows that people were standing in a line at the back— SCORE! —They have a bathroom!

As I approached the group I noticed they were all men…(strange huh?) Yup, three guys, leaning against the wall waiting for their turn. Naturally I’m thinking..hey, maybe there’s a men’s and a women’s..so I slowly walked past the guys and said…”I just want to see if there’s a women’s bathroom.”

Guy #1 standing in line replies “yes, there is one, my wife is in there.” To which guy #2 immediately pipes up and says, “No, these are actually two unisex bathrooms.”

Guy #1 then says, “well, all I know is she picked the door with the eyes with the long eyelashes.”

I looked at the two doors and sure enough, one had a huge close up photo of eyes with fake eye-lashes on them and the other was clearly a photo of a dude’s eyes.

Guy #2, speaks up again, this time more defensively.. “that doesn’t mean anything, these bathrooms are U-N-I-S-E-X- for men AND women..men and women can go in either..”

I looked at guy #2, the little whiner, and tried (hard) to cut him some slack. Maybe he had just consumed a liter of beer and was about to burst..but no, his whole persona was screaming sniffling, twenty eight-ish year old, self absorbed, life-fairness monitor..acting like he owned the place…  Sheesh..couldn’t handle the fact that there was clearly a bathroom for women.. or at least persons who wear mascara. And where was that respect for elders huh?  I’d have hated to have been on the Titanic with that little fusser..  Women and children first;  NOT LIKELY!

(Is it sniffling or sniveling?)

Anyway, I held my ground in front of the big eyelash door, wondering if this Pillsbury gotta-go-boy would knock me to the floor barging past me if it came down to it.

I’ll never know because guy#1’s wife was in there so long (Was she changing clothes?  taking a bath? DEAD?) every last guy in line (her husband included) took care of business and went to their tables.

So yeah, it was just me and my bladder,

alone..

waiting..

sniveling..

staring, oh so defiantly, at the open restroom door..

You know, the one with the dude’s eyes.

 

 

3 Comments Add yours

  1. Kimberly Harvey says:

    This made me laugh out loud!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. oneta hayes says:

    Fun read. One has had to experience a similar emergency to identify with your ability to make a humorous story out of this.

    Liked by 1 person

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