This is Us

Rotten Apples

(Just curious…When is the last time Apple Support actually fixed your problem?)

A few days ago, I reluctantly connected with Apple Support to address a series of annoying issues my laptop was experiencing.

I say reluctantly, because I know what I’m about to face: a super long phone call with someone working from home who will have me stretch out seven of my fingers to press seven random keys all at once, hold until the screen goes black, tap control-alt-shift-delete five times while standing on one leg and then (when that doesn’t work) spray windex on the keyboard, allow it to soak for ten minutes, bake at 350 for an hour and run malware bytes.

I’m only half kidding.

But this call…

this call though was truly the cherry on the apple..

“mmmmmmmmmelllo…uuuhhhhhh, hello?”

“Hello???”

“mmmmm…ahhhh..uuuoohhh..yeah?”

“Hellllo?”

Clearly this kid was not only in bed, but it sounded like he was under his pillow with the phone against his chin recovering from a late night at the genius bar.  I explained what was going on with my computer to which he let out a huuuuuge, long, gutteral groan  and said:

“Hmmm, I have nooo idea what this could be…” and then a yawn.

Of course what followed were the obligatory paces..the key pressing, the scan running, the on and the off; you know, the usual “throwing spaghetti against the wall” with extended periods of nothing but sheets rustling, more yawning and rapid fire tap, tap tapping in the background.

At first I thought he was updating his facebook page or furiously texting a friend..but within minutes I got the distinct impression that we were not alone.

This was a ménage-a-mac!

“Well looky here!” I interrupted just as he was telling me we could perform some Hillary Clinton sounding ‘wipe’ but that I’d possibly lose all my ‘photos and stuff.’

I lied and told him that happily my problems were just miraculously solved.

What a frustrating waste of time.

Maybe it’s just my bad luck, but I honestly cannot remember the last time someone from Apple has actually sounded like they knew what they were doing and confidently, logically diagnosed and fixed my problem.

 

 

 

 

 

 

2 comments on “Rotten Apples

  1. Anonymous

    You need to go to the store, that’s the only way you get things done with Apple.

    Liked by 1 person

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