I had just pulled a sheet of cookies out of the oven when the doorbell rang. It was dark and kind of late, so I was a bit taken aback when I saw a tall man through the glass. I hesitated for a second until I saw the DHL logo on his shirt.
I opened the door.
He greeted me in a thick Russian accent and explained he had a package I needed to sign for. I squiggled my finger across his i-pad and he bent down to pick up the box.
“Eeet’s very heavy” he said as he turned to walk away.
The sucker weighed a ton. I came back inside, placed it on the floor and grabbed my glasses. The box was from Abdul with a last name too long to remember (let alone pronounce) from an outfit called “A to Z Printing” in Amman, Jordan. I felt a twinge of concern…who the heck is this?
I googled “A to Z Printing” in Amman- nothing popped up.
The package was addressed to my youngest daughter with my eldest daughter’s phone number listed as a contact…I contacted them both immediately and no one knew anything about the box. I contacted the only people I knew personally who traveled in that area..nothing.
The next hour was a back and forth blizzard of texts with all of my family as we tried to figure out who might have sent this thing. I took it into the bathroom and placed it on my scale..It weighed 18 pounds. (For reference, the heaviest bowling balls weigh about 16 pounds)
I called DHL.
They were not able to provide any additional information except to wonder why the weight they had listed ( .5 k) was so far off. Heck, if they got the weight wrong, how did I know they properly inspected the thing?
I started to get a stomach ache. My sister-in-law told us to get it out of the house..
I took the package outside and covered it up … (yes, in hindsight, two foam boogie boards wouldn’t have done much had the box blown up- I had clearly passed the threshold of panic and was no longer thinking straight..)
I called our local police’s non-emergency number just to ask them what I should do. I mean we are just your average-Joe, American family here.. we don’t get packages weighing almost 20 pounds shipped 3 day express from the middle east from people we don’t know named Abdul….just sayin’
The cop on the phone was very nice and told me he’d send someone out to take a look at our mystery box which I gingerly removed from the porch and placed in the middle of the yard.
Not ten minutes later, my daughter texted me from the airport in Philadelphia to tell me that her boyfriend (on a cruise in the Bahamas) looked through his Amazon account at her insistence, and saw that his gift to her was indeed coming from Jordan. (Why it came from there..no one knew..)
I called off the sheriff…not that anyone had come yet..which is in itself a whole ‘nuther story.. (I mean what happened to see something-say something??)
When my daughter finally arrived at our home after midnight, she tore into the now infamous box. And there it was, the gift that almost ended up in the grasp of some remote controlled robot – detonated by Homeland Security at the side of the road.
She was SO excited to receive these two, massive volumes of medical intrigue that she dragged them straight into the guest room for an all nighter no doubt..
Never a dull moment..huh?
Ho, Ho, Ho!!